Help
wanted. A high-powered executive whose power is limited, but whose presence is
essential. Home, transportation, and security detail included. Ability to
negotiate with staff and opposing forces is essential. Media presence is a
regular part of the job, so you need to be able to communicate clearly and
efficiently – especially during high stress times. Prior experience is a near
impossibility, but a willingness and ability to learn on the fly is critical.
Position
contract is for four years, with one possible renewal. Pay is not high, but
after you retire, you can become wealthy on speaking fees and corporate board
positions.
Lets say congress decided to run an ad
soliciting resumes for President of the United States. It is likely going to
read similarly to the above ad.
For the sake of argument, lets play out
2016 thus far:
The ad ran back in early 2014, and resumes come pouring in---
some only minutes after the ad ran. As any good Human Resources person will
tell you, Phase One of recruitment is wading through the resumes of people who
are just woefully unqualified but they think the job would be fun. But HR people know you want to find
the best candidate from whoever applies, no matter how much you love who
applied.
The Cast of Campaign Characters |
Sometimes a butcher feels they are qualified to perform brain
surgery because they know basic anatomy and can use a knife. Not always the
case though. Similarly, it is unwise to hire a person to become a high-powered
executive who has never held a position that requires leadership skills.
So HR has the daunting responsibility
of wading through dozens of resumes, making sure candidates meet the job
requirements. In this case, born in the country and at least 35 years old by
inauguration day. After that, the members of this large organization get to
choose their own leader.
Primary Discussions
Over the course of several months and many interviews, several
job candidates were removed from contention. They threw away the brain surgeon,
one of the trust fund kids, the failed corporate executive, the television
talking heads, and the retirees who used to work within the company. Finally,
the list was pared down to two people: one has worked in and around the
organization for decades, and the other is an outsider trust fund kid who
claims extensive business acumen, and whose self-assurance, bordering on
pomposity, made him a compelling enough choice to keep around.
As the interviewers got to know the
more experienced folks, they took a vote and narrowed the selection to just two.
One has been in and around the business for decades, and the other is that
outsider who, while he lacks any experience, his confidence is compelling to
large swaths of the voters—compelling enough to help him outlast people who
might better understand the requirements of the job.
Infomercials for Candidates
Now comes the final phase of the
interview process, and it is a long one. Both job candidates get four days to
put on their best infomercials as to why they should get the job. While this
infomercial does not have mandates, potential candidates are usually better off
if they can compel someone who has held the job to speak on their behalf. Ideal
infomercials are exciting, engaging, and leave their voters with an uplifting
message about themselves.
Infomercials for a sponge: at least you know what you are getting! |
Also, in most recruitment cycles for
this executive, there is a period of respectful quiet during the rival
candidate’s infomercial. In this cycle, one candidate has been deftly
determined to get their names in the media throughout his opponent’s four days.
Typically, candidates for the job use this time to strategize their final
stretch of the job interview, because it can be so grueling.
Time for some Campaigning
After the final red, white, and blue balloon is popped from the
second infomercial, both candidates are on a sprint to convince as many people
as possible that they should be hired.
Both job candidates have about fifteen weeks to convince as many
people on the hiring panel, and nothing is
out of bounds. A candidate could threaten to kill a citizen, if they think it
will buy them a vote.
Balloons pop, just like dreams- loudly & unceremoniously |
The Final Balloon
The second candidate’s final balloon
will pop tonight in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. We are about to hit the
straightaway to the final decision. Amongst the initial supporters of both candidates,
everyone has cold feet. But that doesn’t matter. Our options have been
selected. Now, it’s a matter of how the people in this organization vote in
just under four months.
While we are talking, somewhat obviously
tongue-in-cheek about the presidential election, this year feels different than
previous years. There is palpable frustration, excitement, and energy
throughout the country. Never in modern elections have people been
simultaneously so intractable and indifferent to their party’s candidate of
“choice”. This is going to be an interesting one.
So
lets spend the summer watching the chaos through the prism of a job interview.
This sounds like it could be a great reality show--- nah. Too mean.