Help Wanted with this Election --- Seriously, Help WANTED!

Help wanted. A high-powered executive whose power is limited, but whose presence is essential. Home, transportation, and security detail included. Ability to negotiate with staff and opposing forces is essential. Media presence is a regular part of the job, so you need to be able to communicate clearly and efficiently – especially during high stress times. Prior experience is a near impossibility, but a willingness and ability to learn on the fly is critical.

Position contract is for four years, with one possible renewal. Pay is not high, but after you retire, you can become wealthy on speaking fees and corporate board positions.

         Lets say congress decided to run an ad soliciting resumes for President of the United States. It is likely going to read similarly to the above ad.

         For the sake of argument, lets play out 2016 thus far:

The ad ran back in early 2014, and resumes come pouring in--- some only minutes after the ad ran. As any good Human Resources person will tell you, Phase One of recruitment is wading through the resumes of people who are just woefully unqualified but they think the job would be fun. But HR people know you want to find the best candidate from whoever applies, no matter how much you love who applied. 

The Cast of Campaign Characters

Sometimes a butcher feels they are qualified to perform brain surgery because they know basic anatomy and can use a knife. Not always the case though. Similarly, it is unwise to hire a person to become a high-powered executive who has never held a position that requires leadership skills.

         So HR has the daunting responsibility of wading through dozens of resumes, making sure candidates meet the job requirements. In this case, born in the country and at least 35 years old by inauguration day. After that, the members of this large organization get to choose their own leader.

Primary Discussions

Over the course of several months and many interviews, several job candidates were removed from contention. They threw away the brain surgeon, one of the trust fund kids, the failed corporate executive, the television talking heads, and the retirees who used to work within the company. Finally, the list was pared down to two people: one has worked in and around the organization for decades, and the other is an outsider trust fund kid who claims extensive business acumen, and whose self-assurance, bordering on pomposity, made him a compelling enough choice to keep around.

         As the interviewers got to know the more experienced folks, they took a vote and narrowed the selection to just two. One has been in and around the business for decades, and the other is that outsider who, while he lacks any experience, his confidence is compelling to large swaths of the voters—compelling enough to help him outlast people who might better understand the requirements of the job.  

Infomercials for Candidates

         Now comes the final phase of the interview process, and it is a long one. Both job candidates get four days to put on their best infomercials as to why they should get the job. While this infomercial does not have mandates, potential candidates are usually better off if they can compel someone who has held the job to speak on their behalf. Ideal infomercials are exciting, engaging, and leave their voters with an uplifting message about themselves.

Infomercials for a sponge: at least you know what you are getting!

         In this cycle, one candidate received glowing endorsements from three prior jobholders--- the only living people who held the job. The other candidate failed to have any prior jobholders even willing to acknowledge the candidate. This is different, but not the last of the changes from prior job interviews.

         Also, in most recruitment cycles for this executive, there is a period of respectful quiet during the rival candidate’s infomercial. In this cycle, one candidate has been deftly determined to get their names in the media throughout his opponent’s four days. Typically, candidates for the job use this time to strategize their final stretch of the job interview, because it can be so grueling.

Time for some Campaigning

After the final red, white, and blue balloon is popped from the second infomercial, both candidates are on a sprint to convince as many people as possible that they should be hired.

Both job candidates have about fifteen weeks to convince as many people on the hiring panel, and nothing is out of bounds. A candidate could threaten to kill a citizen, if they think it will buy them a vote.

Balloons pop, just like dreams- loudly & unceremoniously

Seriously, nothing is off limits. Both candidates are allowed to mingle with the professional media, social media, and entertainment media. The more you can balance entertainment and stoicism the better. Yes, these are opposing skill sets, but remember: there are many personalities of people deciding who gets this job. And the more entertaining a candidate can be, the more likely voters will advocate for them amongst their cute kitty youtubes on social media.

The Final Balloon    

         The second candidate’s final balloon will pop tonight in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. We are about to hit the straightaway to the final decision. Amongst the initial supporters of both candidates,

everyone has cold feet. But that doesn’t matter. Our options have been selected. Now, it’s a matter of how the people in this organization vote in just under four months.

        While we are talking, somewhat obviously tongue-in-cheek about the presidential election, this year feels different than previous years. There is palpable frustration, excitement, and energy throughout the country. Never in modern elections have people been simultaneously so intractable and indifferent to their party’s candidate of “choice”. This is going to be an interesting one.

         So lets spend the summer watching the chaos through the prism of a job interview. This sounds like it could be a great reality show--- nah. Too mean.