Hunter or Prey, One is Easier- Guess Which!

            Well I got smacked in the face today, by the cold, harsh, hand of reality. It is definitely more fun to be the predator than the prey in this vicious job safari of the 21^st Century.

            I went to my first job fair since closing our staffing company several weeks ago. Apparently karma decided that it needed to assault my ear with the same trite clichés I have been forced to use with applicants for the past year. I know that, as the employer, there are certain characteristics you are looking for in a new employee, and certain things you are not.  Someone either fits as the entire package, or they don’t. Human beings who are job hunting are boiled down to binary code. We are simply either a 1 or a 0. Hiring managers, like computers don’t care why you are a 1 or 0, just whether you meet the needs they are looking to fill in their priority. Either be the answer to their needs right now, or tell your story walkin’.

Just as I have reviewed countless resumes that did not exactly fit the position I was looking to fill, now it was my turn to get the looks of pity, annoyance, or disinterest from people who I clearly was never going to share a morning cuppa joe with. My resume did not meet the needs of the people I met today at the job fair, and I kind of expected that. I come in with a thorough resume that does not meet anything close to the entry-level positions they need filled. Several people even asked if I was willing to start at the apprenticeship level. And I answered with the same answer I have heard so many times before, that it makes no sense to take a position that will pay less than childcare costs. The response was glaring. The 20-something hiring manager without kids looked baffled, as the boss gave me a knowing nod and a chuckle, saying under his breath, “nope. It does not.” They were not there to meet me, much less hire me.

I even got to talk with a person who used to manage a staffing company. She asked me why I left the company, and I explained the quick overview. She asked what skills I have that their company  might be able to use, almost in a sympathetic desire to help one of her own. I gave a brilliant answer to what skills I have that they could use- that she clearly did not agree with, as her face visibly sunk and she replied that I should go to their website, and if I felt that they were advertising any positions that met their needs, I should just apply online. Translation, “Go away boy, ya botha me.’ 

Know what another phrase for job fair is? Cattle call. Why do companies pay $1,500 to have a table at these events? So they can send a couple of hiring managers to sift through the resumes of people looking for salary and benefits packages, in search of the people who will work for practically nothing more than a line on the resume. These managers spend the entire day collecting resumes that will likely end up in the shredder, or at the back of a file cabinet, which is essentially the same thing. It doesn’t matter if you are an expert at your craft, or even better than the people who will actually get the job that you applied for. These companies pay to be in the job fair so they don’t need to pay you a penny more than is absolutely necessary. Remember, this is a job fair, not a career fair! They want to hire entry-level positions at minimum pay. Preferably, you have minimal experience too, so that you are more open-minded to be trained (indoctrinated) into that corporate culture. Why do I know all this? I used to be on the other side of the table. I gave that same schpiel about how we are hiring for management soon. I heard that at the last table I visited. When I heard that, I collected what little pride was still littered at my feet and bolted for the exit. I gave one last glance around the room before I left, realizing that I probably would not have given a second look to most of the people who are now my peers. Alas, karma is patient, but she knows how to communicate a message.

So what’s a boy in search of work to do? The keys to the executive washroom are clearly just out of my reach, and I am too smart and determined to be an intern to some Buddy Ackerman-type. My answer to me is simple: take my time. The right work opportunity is out there, just not today.  

I am kind of lucky to be in the situation where right now, my family does not NEED the extra money coming in, in a right now, from any source possible kind of way. I have interviewed those people, and it is heartbreaking. The least employable people, ironically, are the people who need the

job the most. Just like that guy or girl on the first date, hiring executives can smell desperation like a skunk in a bed of roses.

While the additional income would be nice right now, clearly any job I got would be nothing more than a stopover. Meanwhile, I have a lifetime career waiting for me at home, and being dad is one of the best opportunities to ever enter my life. Why would I blow the opportunity to do a fantastic job at the one task I worked hardest in my life to earn? It was nearly impossible to find the perfect adult person to fall in love with; and then, starting a family is no easy feat. Becoming a dad is probably the most exciting and exhausting job I have ever earned, and I refuse to waste a singular moment of it- especially working half-time jobs with a boss who rules over me when he is done with his math homework, or a full time job with a schoolyard bully of a boss. Life is too short.

            So why do the job fair, if I know nothing is going to come of it? Because I don’t know that nothing is going to come of it. And I feel the need to keep throwing myself out there, in hopes of being a better financial provider for my family. That said, I have an amazing wife with a great career she loves. I am not going to take the first job that comes along, just to have a paycheck. I am far more important to my household as a stable parent who has the energy and focus to teach baby how to roller skate, how to ride a bike, and how to take care of themselves as responsible adults. There are so

many jobs involved with being a stay-at-home parent. If it sounds like I am undecided about my future, you are right. Right now, my brain is split in so many directions… I looooove my time with baby, but I feel like it is my duty to work, but I know that baby needs her parents, but taking a job provides financial stability, but if the job pays less than daycare costs, then we have a negative cash flow, but I am supposed to have a place to go every day, but why go someplace that hurts the family in the long run, but, but, but………

So the journey continues. Today was interesting, and gave me some great insights into myself and what I need for the short and long-term. Hopefully you also found the whole thing kind of interesting to read about.

Don't Blame the Path if You Can't Take the Hike

Join me on a pretend trip. We are walking through the woods together. Just exploring. All of a sudden, you see someone yelling, screaming, and carrying on because the path they were traveling abruptly turned into overgrowth, trees, shrubs, and a directionless path of mud. Rather than finding the next path, they just yelled at the forest for its failure. You would think they were crazy and walk as far away from them to avoid being noticed. Yet, we all have a tendency to do that very same thing when we hit a path with an abrupt ending.

My new reality of not working on a day-to-day reality is still very strange to me. For the past week or so, my brain has been arguing with itself as to whether I feel sufficiently badly for not succeeding. I feel like I should be more upset than I am. On the surface, if you look at the facts, I failed. But if you stick with my thought process, there is a difference between failure and not succeeding. Surface-wise, I did fail. I owned a business, and my path abruptly ended. My wife and I bought a business, we grew said business to a point where it really maximized its income potential, and it wasn't enough to realize a profit, so we closed. Sure sounds like failure, right? Just remember what Vince Lombardi said after his team did not win a big game, "We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." Sometimes, no matter how hard you fight, the clock is going to run out before you want it to run out.

So I am in the forest, and our path turned from a lovely walk to a muddy, directionless mess- almost without warning. Did I not read the forest’s map correctly?  Should I have turned right instead of left at the large metaphorical oak? I did not reach my goal. Failure, right? My brain is trying to figure out why I don’t feel sad, dejected, and reeking of failure. Sometimes you need to flip the scenario around for better feedback. If you think about it, most jobs and/or careers are “failures” if you define failure as ending before we may choose. In fact, the only job that ends at the right time is the one that enables you to retire, forever. As an old boss used to say, a resume is nothing more than a list of jobs that didn’t work out the way we had hoped they would. As an aside, that boss’ path ended with an indictment from the FTC. We all have different types of mud on the path.

Part of being an adult is recognizing the struggle of the path. Are things not working at all? Are they are simply going slower than we would like, but with success on its way if we walk far enough? Or, are we on the right path and frustrated with the wait?  No matter what, you need to remember not to marry the path, no matter how good it seems to be today. If the forest you are strolling through all of a sudden bursts into a fiery blaze, continuing the afternoon stroll just to prove you can take the heat is just dumb. Don't blame the path for letting you down, for the path is emotionally neutral, totally uninvested in your success or failure. The path just offers you a sense of direction that others may or may not have successfully used. There are plenty of people who have come before you who may have had wonderful experiences on that identical path, and others who may have found only misery. Maybe you are in the right woods, but that path does care.

Don’t blame the forest’s path for your failure, or thank it for your success. It’s your plan. Cursing the tree, and saying the path doesn’t work is silly. I would rather learn my mistakes and find my better path ASAP. But, what if it’s the right path for me and I was just not prepared? I just have the wrong footwear for the weather, or I am hiking at 6pm without batteries for my flashlight. None of this is the path’s fault. I must figure out why I am not succeeding on my path. How? First, identify the possible problem.

·      Business Owner: Maybe my business is spending too much on advertising. Sales might be off projection. I hired the wrong people. The people I hired are good people who don’t get along. I simply am not good enough.

·      Employee: Maybe the product is faulty. Management might not be sufficient. Possible conflicts within management’s business vision.

·      Volunteering: Maybe the leadership does not have a good mission statement. Possibly does not understand the mission statement. Financing is not sufficient to accomplish the mission.

After you identify the issue, you have new issues to face. First and foremost, fix the issue. It’s easier to fix one minor issues like new batteries in the flashlight, than returning all the way back to the cabin. Depending where you are in the flowchart indicated what sway you have in fixing what issue. If you own the business, it’s easy to make personnel changes, but nearly impossible to change the product on the spot. If you are an employee or volunteer, you need to focus on making you and the people who answer to you the best you can.

But what happens you have made all the fixes you can, and you're still stuck in a patch of poison ivy? Our franchise closed, but I don’t think that we failed. Our staff had issues, and fixed them. We had great sales for our age. Our product was people- and it was pretty much the same people at every other staffing company that is succeeding. Whenever we identified a new shortcoming, we fixed them. Sometimes, on life’s hike, you come across issues where other hikers cause problems. You don’t even need to know them personally. Just look at the Smokey the Bear ad

campaign. If someone else doesn’t properly extinguish their dinner fire, your vacation could be disrupted. Just as one franchisee making a foolish comment to the media could impact your business. So now your success involves relying on others for your success. When you rely on others, you need them to see the map the same way that you do. This is especially important when you buy into a franchise- where you have 10, 20, 50, or 100+ people on the same hike at the same time.

Our business closed because I could not successfully show other people that we had designed a successful path out of the weeds. It happens. We are not the first, nor the last business to not get to the beautiful end of the path to enjoy the magnificent sunset.

Sometimes non-failure means that you got off the bad path sooner rather than later--- kind of a backwards success. I think that the business we bought will be a success for a very few, primarily large city markets. We actually did better by cutting our losses before the tidal loss of cash became overwhelming to our family. 

When I was younger, I thought the key to success was fighting till the last breath was in my body. Sometimes real strength comes from restraint, rather than battling- a lesson I learned from old metaphorical scars. More than once, my passion has ended with my being politely escorted from the job site. But now, as a business owner, running a business till you are penniless isn't dedication, it's dumb. 

Now, this article is not meant to be a downer, or a de-motivator. The message isn’t that when the going gets tough, get the hell out. The message is simple. Fight with all your heart and spirit, but know when to walk away. There can be honor in un-success. Not every marriage is made in heaven- some are made several miles below. While I did not leave our franchiser or our office with warm cuddles for the company, that is my issue to wrestle with, not theirs. When you leave your job, by choice or by force, the company will go on without you- most likely like you were never there. I accept that the franchiser does not worry about my welfare now that I left their forest. When you are on the wrong path, don't curse the overgrowth and the scrub. Leave the forest on a high note and find a forest that better meets your needs.

This morning, I went to tour a college program- a totally new forest for me, just in case I do choose to become a student again. As I met with the recruiter, I told her that we just closed our office a few weeks ago. Her response was appropriate; she frowned a sad face like I told her that a car just hit my puppy. I quickly flipped the script around and told her that it closed by our choice because of reason a, b, and c. No vitriol. Just fact. When things don’t go your way, people will feel badly for you, but only to a point. Ultimately, they want to know what you are going to do about the setback. Everyone who has ever achieved anything of meaning has been fired at least once. Successful people who have earned their stripes earned those stripes through the pain of failure. So they can identify with the setback, but will not listen to you marinate in your own tears. Pity won't get you your next opportunity- just a tissue and a sad face. Sad faces don't pay the bills. To quote Tom Cruise from

Cocktail, something I rarely do, "everything ends badly. Otherwise it wouldn't end." Don’t curse the end of the path. Find a new one, or make a new one. People will happily help you plow the road, but they will only wipe your tears for so long.

I loved the people I worked with, and I am sure some us will keep in touch. But when we get together, we talk about the future. Your life cannot flourish if you are trying to walk forward while looking over your shoulder at what might have been.

Failure is when you get to the end of the path, and carry on rather than moving on. Now, I am not saying that you need to be emotionally pleasant a mere seventeen minutes after suffering a soul-crushing defeat; that would be unreasonable. But it’s no less unreasonable than pitching a tent at the end of the path and wondering why the scenery never changes.

Un-failure and/or non-failure is when you take the lesson from the bad path, extrapolate the lesson, and move on to a path that better fits your excursion. When you can separate yourself from the emotions attached to an event, you can usually find the humor in how you got there. That humor will give you strength. When you hold onto the negative emotions, this is where you find the land of failure.

I don't know if my school path is going to work out for me now, in the future, or never. That is why I also give my resume to the people of influence that I am friendly with. The fun of life is that you don’t know what the adventure has in store. Keep your eyes wide-open though- that is where good things are far more likely to happen.  

Don't mourn the end of your path. Find the new path, and appreciate how much wiser you are, for prior wrong turns. 

Bare Naked Truth- My New Reality isn't Pretty

        

    Today is the first day of my new life… again. I closed my year-old business a few weeks ago, and finally got the office totally emptied out yesterday, more or less.  We still have time on the lease, and the people taking over the space wanted the furniture. No problem, take it, I don’t need a moving truck now. Unfortunately, rather than closing this chapter on my life, the last page is dog-eared.

            So now I am home. Sitting at my home office space figuring out next moves. My wife thought it would be cleansing for me to write my thoughts, so why not give it a shot. I wrote a book with great friends only three years ago, to kind of worldwide acclaim. It wasn’t on the New York Times bestseller list or anything- but thanks to e-Books, people have downloaded it to all over the world. (Alone in My Universe: Struggling with an Orphan Disease in an Unsympathetic World)

            Now, I am starting a blog; I guess. Next step is a fancy title. Basically, the point is going to focus on mid-life life changes. I have a few options for next path, and I want to share my thoughts. Maybe others will find my thoughts interesting, helpful, humorous, or cathartic. Please share your thoughts, life experiences, and ideas. Lets work together.

            So why the life change? I am going to go as quickly as possible, just so you know our starting For Profit business. What changed? I met the love of my life in 2012, and soon after we were married, I found out that I was about to have a family. The charity made me no personal income, and kids cost money. Need I say more? I needed to find an income stream. So we went to a business broker. We knew our budget, and went business shopping.
point on this sudden change. I was a city schoolteacher for
years, until the politics got the best of me, and I decided to work for myself. While I was teaching, I was running a Not-For-Profit charity that I started. I ran the charity from 2010 until 2013 before finding my successor to run the charity, in order to start a

            We told the broker that we wanted something within our budget. We had enough to buy a decently established business, but not a McDonald’s. It should also be family-friendly hours, because I want to be able to tuck my kid in at night. What did the broker show me? Businesses that tripled our budet, gin mills, and endless dinner establishments 40 minutes from home. Um… Fail.

            All the silliness got the best of me and I told my wife that I wanted to look at a franchise. I talked with companies that offered me the opportunity to do printing, to sell web pages, to do this, and do that. I always thought that you paid royalties to get support, but none had a system in place to help us to actually be successful. These franchisors seemed to be making their money from selling franchises, rather than offering a great product with an established system to bring it to market.

            Ultimately, we bought a franchise that did temporary staffing. I loved the idea of helping people find work. How cool is that?! I can work, make a living, and help my community! Touchdown! Plus, this company actually had national contracts to work with. So we signed on the

dotted line and we were in business.

            Office space, furniture, insurance, training… We are good to go. Opening day came with did grow, we never seemed to hit a profit line. Every time I talked with the national office, I was told how the system works, and it is all my fault. Anyway, before I lose you, within one year, we spent nearly double our budget and were still breaking even or losing ground every month. When I went to the national franchise meeting, they had an open forum for owners to discuss their issues. I begged for help because the system only works for a small percentage of owners. One of the most successful owners informed me that if I bought a Subway, they wouldn’t find the customers for me. She is right, but Subway would make damned sure I knew how to make their product perfectly. In exchange, they would run lots of ads. Anyway, all the details of this company are not important- and it will save me a deposition if anyone from the national office disapproves of what I wrote.
minimal fanfare. As the business grew, and we

So here I am. Our office is closed, and I am home while my wife works. Oooof! That sound you just heard was another body slam to my ego as a provider. The baby still has full time daycare for another week and a half, contractually, so I am taking advantage by starting to write. Eight month olds aren’t known for their offering flexible schedules.

Now I am 41-years old with tons of options, seasoned with tons of limitations, and a clock that ticks louder every day- the clock of employment relevance. I’m not retiring next month, but I would look very odd as a free intern. What do I do?

What are my skills? I am a great communicator and leader, I love to write, and I know how to motivate. No one runs ads for middle management in the paper anymore, and I am tired of Monster’s responses to my resume: sell life insurance or sell stock tips. Did you actually read my resume?! Ugh.. Adulthood can be such a bear.

What’s my next move? As I see it, there are a few options.

a.     Stay-Home Dad. This is my path for at least the next few months anyway, as we figure out where to go from here.

b.     Take any job to keep busy. My wife is betting I have any job in less than a month because I will go crazy being home. There is one problem here. If the job makes less money than daycare costs, that makes no sense.

c.      Go back to school. Sure, I have a bachelors degree, and a masters degree- in history. I couldn’t trade my degrees for a cup of coffee at Starbucks--- maybe at Dunkin’…

           I love having options, but you never know if you made the right choice until you’re five or ten miles down the road. Right now, I am dad, and that is the best job I have ever had. I love my family, and I want to get back to providing for the family.

           I know I am not the first person ever to be slapped in the face with life transitions at an inconvenient time on the lifespan. So what did you do? I would love feedback and ideas.

           I promise to post at least twice a week and share my progress, and I really hope people read this and contribute. What did you do when your chapter suddenly closed? How did you handle it? What did you do?